So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize