woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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