There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
