in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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