She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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