they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
