lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
