we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
