So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
