oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
