How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
