Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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