i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
