She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
