i jhust puked up my retainher.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
