Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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