My nipple is on Facebook.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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