Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
