I'm going to jail i love you
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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