I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
home. puking in laundry basket.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
