Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
