How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Randomize
