This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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