I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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