totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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