How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
