You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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