I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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