I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
