My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
