The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
