I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize