Kiss
Puke
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
