I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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