Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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