I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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