Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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