At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
3 2 1 whiskey
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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