He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Randomize
