i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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