I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
