I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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