I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
