Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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