If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
