I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't deserve a penis
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
