my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
