Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
