if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
