Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
