There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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