I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
