all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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