whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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