apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He did a backflip because drugs
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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