just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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