hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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