my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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