i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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