He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
