it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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