I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize