You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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