remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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