bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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