What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
