Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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