Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
