Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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