just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
