Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Randomize
