bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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