In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
