when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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