So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
