He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
