If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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