Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
