dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
