you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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