things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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