I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
