i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
