addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize