Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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