Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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