Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We have so much sex to catch up on
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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