who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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